In most cases, grief is the normal and healthy feeling of anguish experienced in reaction to an emotionally significant loss, often the death of a loved one.

Loss is a natural part of life, but that doesn’t mean that grieving is easy. While each person’s grief is different, it often involves symptoms of common mental health conditions like depression or anxiety.  Grief itself is not in itself a mental illness, but when feelings of grief remain intense and last for a long time after a loss, they can keep you from moving forward with a healthy lifestyle.

If you are struggling to cope following a loss, you could benefit from working with a therapist with a specialization in grief. Read on to learn more about grief, treatment options, and guidance for selecting a therapist.

Symptoms of grief

Grief often resembles symptoms of depression but reactions to loss vary widely from person to person. There is no right or wrong way to feel. That said, some of the most common symptoms include:

• Shock or denial: It’s common to experience shock and disbelief, to begin with. Even if your loss was expected, these feelings can last from days to years, leaving you feeling remote from reality and emotion.
• Feeling lost, sad, confused, or hopeless: You’ll likely experience all of these feelings, sometimes with overwhelming intensity, at some point during the grieving process.
• Anger or irritability: You may feel that the loss you experience was unfair, or be generally angry and short-tempered with those around you.
• Guilt or self-blame: Some people feel as though the loss was their fault or remain preoccupied with things they should or should not have said.
• Numbness or detachment: You may feel emotionally numb or unable to connect with people or experiences.
• Separation anxiety: You might experience apprehension or feel worried about no longer being able to be with the person lost.
• Worry about the future: It’s common to feel concerned about what the future will look like without your beloved one. You might think about experiences in the future that your loved one won’t be there for.
• Difficulty concentrating: You might feel a general sense of mental fogginess, and/or find it harder to focus and think things through.
• Loss of interest in pleasurable activities: If you’re going through the grieving process, the things that usually bring you joy (socializing, hobbies, sex) may seem dull, uninteresting, or even depressing.
• Changes in sleeping or eating habits: Grief can cause you to sleep or eat too much or too little. You might feel tired or exhausted.
• Thoughts of suicide or death: People struggling with complicated grief sometimes become preoccupied with death and may consider suicide.

Although there is no “normal” time period for grief, these symptoms typically do diminish over time.

Types of loss and grief

Grief looks different for everyone. Nonetheless, some of the most common scenarios related to grief include:

• Acute grief: Though it can feel anything but normal, acute grief is the term psychologists use to describe the expected grieving processes that do not develop into complicated grief. This might include milder or less prolonged versions of any of the above symptoms. Simple grief is not a mental health diagnosis, but it is still challenging enough that you may want to seek support while experiencing it.
• Complicated grief: Also known as Persistent Complex Bereavement Disorder, complicated grief is the term for grief that remains intense over a long period of time. It usually involves prolonged, intense experience of some of the above symptoms, broad changes to personal relationships, and a sense of meaningless. People who experience complicated grief could benefit from the help of a therapist.
• Disenfranchised grief: This term is used to describe grief that is, for whatever reason, not deemed socially appropriate. Examples include the grief of parents for a stillborn baby or people who have lost beloved pets. This might also include grief over the loss of someone whose relationship to you is stigmatized (such as a partner in an extramarital affair) or grief over someone who died in a stigmatized way (such as suicide or a drug overdose). If you’re dealing with disenfranchised grief, societal judgment can make an already difficult situation even more challenging.
• Traumatic grief: Grief can be especially difficult if you’re dealing with a death that occurred in a traumatic way. This might include violent or unexpected deaths, as well as those of children or young people who died before living full lives. Research suggests that a traumatic loss is typically associated with chronic grief (3).
• Grief related to a loss other than death of a loved one: Grief can come from different kinds of loss, such as loss of a job, loss of a living situation, falling out with a friend or other loved one, or loss of mobility or independence after becoming disabled. This kind of grief can also overlap with disenfranchised grief if you’re grieving something that society does not see as a worthy cause of grief.
• Grief in relation to cultural norms: Beliefs and practices around grief differ greatly across cultures. Some cultures might encourage a prolonged or openly emotional grieving process, while others might encourage a more stoic reaction. You may find the grieving process to be especially challenging if your own tendencies do not line up with your culture’s expectations.

• Stages of grief

  Again, it is important to remember that there is no set time or “normal” way to grieve; everyone responds to loss differently. It’s generally accepted that people pass through four stages of grief at some point during the process, as follows:

• Accepting that the loss is real
• Feeling the pain of the loss
• Adjusting to life without your loved one
• Shifting emotional energy away from grieving and into other activities

• You might experience more than one stage at once, and it is common to not move smoothly between stages.